Dating Personals

I’ve talked with several couples who tried open marriages and they all said it didn’t work. They said either the love withered or jealousies and insecurities made it intolerable. They said the outside sex took their energy, interest, and focus. They were not emotionally available to deepen the love with their primary partner. If we can’t stay open to our partner, if we begin to shut down, we’re defeating the whole purpose of being in a loving relationship. One of the main ways we build that deep love is being open, trusting, and sharing who we really are. What are your thoughts on this topic?

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Let’s talk today about open marriages. I have strong opinions about this because this is the idea that began the breakup of my 29-year marriage so I’ll try to stay objective. Intellectually, how could we want to deny our partner any source of happiness? That was my struggle. But my heart and my gut said no $#%@ way. It seems the only reason two people would want to join as an exclusive couple, other than to create a family for child raising, would be to experience the deepest love possible. Only time and a true knowing can allow that depth to occur.

Free Dating

A “Husband Shopping Center” was opened where a woman could go to choose from among many men for a husband. It was laid out in five floors, with the men increasing in positive attributes as you ascended up the floors. The only rule was, once you opened the door to any floor, you must choose a man from that floor, and if you went up a floor, you couldn’t go back down except to leave the place. So, a couple of girlfriends go to the place to find men. First floor, the door had a sign saying “These men have jobs and love kids.” The women read the sign and say “Well that’s better than not having jobs, or not loving kids, but I wonder what’s further up?”

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I think it’s worth exploring where the concept of marriage came from. Is it something that was created by man (meaning male humans) for some purpose of their own design. And, if so, is the concept of marriage one that people, societies and religions have adopted as “right” merely because they share the same thinking? (Bruce Lipton would call a meem) Or is marriage something that is a part of the Divine order? Most animals do not mate for life. A few do, but most do not. So, why do humans? And why do humans believe that this is inherently “right”? Because it is? Or because that’s what they’ve been taught? And I know there will be some that will discuss the destructive effect on children if there were no marriage or long-term commitment. I do not believe this is true. The destructive effect that we sometimes see is at least in part due to the drama and trauma that people indulge in as they are ending a relationship and the ideas and turmoil that are as a result imposed on children (sometimes purposely). If relationships lasted as long as they were truly loving, nurturing, supportive and joyful, rather than as long as the piece of paper was in force, I believe everyone including children would be happier. Finally, how many people do you know (not think, but know well enough to actually know) who have a joyful, loving, mutually supportive, nurturing and happy marriage? And how many people do you know who are just “married”?

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So up they go. Second floor says “These men have high paying jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking” Hmmm, say the girls. But, I wonder what’s further up?”. Third floor: “These men have high paying jobs, are extremely good looking, love kids and help with the housework.” Wow, say the women! Very tempting, but, there’s more further up! And so again, they go up. Fourth floor: “These men have high paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.” Oh, mercy me. But just think!?!?! What must be awaiting us further on! So up to the fifth floor they go. The sign on that door said: “This floor is just to prove that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping, and have a nice day.”